Doubts

Today I had a conversation with an older homeschooling mom. I respect her opinion and I admire the way her children have turned out. I was telling her about some of the struggles I've been having with my oldest since I started homeschooling him a few years ago. 

My oldest son is gifted and has several overexcitabilities. He has all the classic symptoms of ADHD, but he doesn't actually have ADHD. That fact is both a blessing and a curse. It means that we have the daily struggles of ADHD, but the 'fixes' for the actual condition don't necessarily work for him. He also has dyslexia and dysgraphia, as well as some hearing issues. My experience with homeschooling him has left us both in tears, and has seriously strained our relationship. 

I relayed some of these struggles with her, and her advice was that perhaps he needed more structure. More training to sit still. And I should increase the structure over time, because boys especially need more structure as they get older. And I need to focus on character training - instilling the character traits of working diligently and practicing self control. I left the conversation shaken, as if my worldview was upended. 

I totally agree with her in theory. But in practice, more structure has always caused a strain in my relationship with my son. There have been so many days that both of us end up in tears: he because he's so frustrated with doing the [very tiny amount of] schoolwork I've given him, and me because he's acting out and being obstinate. One particular week, not too long ago, was so bad that I actually looked up tuition prices of some private schools in our area and dreamed of sending him there. That bad.

Do I tell myself that I know my son best and know what he needs? Or do I trust the advice of a homeschooler with twenty years' more experience than me? Am I not being a good Christian homeschooler by allowing my son basically total freedom with his education? Am deceiving myself and buying into a secular worldview without realizing it? Am I using his giftedness as an excuse for poor behavior on his part and looser rules on my part?

At this point I don't know. And so I will do what I do when I simply don't know what to do: I will pray and ask God for wisdom to show me how He wants me to educate my children. Because in the end that is what matters the most. 

 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)