Way before my children were ready to crack open their first workbook, when they were still in diapers, I started reading up on homeschooling methods. Back then, the method that appealed most to me was classical education. If I had to choose a method irrespective of who my children are, this would be it. Luckily even then I realized that there was no way my wild and energetic boys would be able to learn like this, so I kept looking for other methods.
I read For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay and learned about the Charlotte Mason method of homeschooling. I loved this method (and still do!) very much because it stressed lots of reading from good books, time in nature, and learning through experiencing life together.
When I started reading up on methods of homeschooling, I had heard of unschooling, but I always thought moms who did it were the hippie free spirit types, the kind with infinite patience and nothing but sweet and kind words for their children. I thought it was for moms who loved having the freedom of a wide open day to just hang out with their kids, and who didn't need the structure of a schedule.
No, I'm nothing like that. My journey to unschooling comes from quite the opposite place.
No, I'm nothing like that. My journey to unschooling comes from quite the opposite place.
Unschooling appeals to me because I am a type-A personality. I love plotting our course, making charts, making lists, and checking off the items. It gives me a special feeling of accomplishment to look back at several months' worth of schoolwork and see all of it (okay, most of it) checked off.
The problem is, I'm not a very good mom when we follow my plan. The kids aren't happy and I'm not happy. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I act more like a tyrant or a taskmaster than a loving mother when we follow my homeschooling plan for the day. I bark orders all day long and get frustrated at my precious little people when they don't snap to.
And then there was all the workbooks and lessons. I started the 2013-2014 with a full load of lessons: every day reading, writing, math, Spanish, piano, typing, and geography. Once a week- art, science, and history. My plan looked beautiful on paper. The kids were happy with our schedule for a few weeks. But then the fun wore off. I realized they had little time for play because they were doing lessons all morning. Sure, each "lesson" was only five to fifteen minutes long, but when you put all the lessons together, even that was too much for them. So I took everything away except the three basics: reading, writing, and math. But my oldest still struggles with handwriting and some of his math. I am definitely seeing that I need to back off for a little while and give him space in these areas.
I realized how vastly different my attitude toward my kids was whenever we took a long break from school, like for the summer or for our long winter break during the month of December. I'm much more pleasant to be around. I go with the flow. They don't learn any less (in fact, they learn more) when I am easy going and when I follow their lead of what they want to learn about.
I was first introduced to unschooling when I read the book Free to Learn by Peter Gray. He writes a lot about an unconventional school in the Boston area where children are free all day long to work on projects that they enjoy. Students are free to play and learn at their own pace. It made a lot of sense to me, and moreover, sounded exactly like the type of environment my children would thrive in. I read several more books on the topic of unschooling and became convinced this is something I need to try.
For too long, I have been trying to stuff my children into a mold that doesn't fit them. Instead of looking at who they truly are and working with that, I have been frustratingly trying to make them who I want them to be. I had this mistaken idea of what children are supposed to be like, and was frustrated that my children weren't looking like that idea. This is not the way to have a good relationship with my children!
I realized that I have been putting book work and "skills learning" ahead of real live fun. There were too many days that I would say "No, you can't do that experiment you found in a book, you need to finish your schoolwork. " or "No, we can't go to the beach today, you need to finish your math." That is not how I envisioned my homeschooling experience! I know that some homeschoolers are able to be very flexible; they can keep the bookwork and still do fun projects when the kids show interest. But I can't. I have learned about myself that I am either all or nothing. I'm either married to my schedule or I ditch it completely, there's no middle ground.
I have hope that things can be different. I have been relaxed about school for the past few weeks and I can already see a positive change in our relationship. I am enjoying my kids so much more. And they aren't learning any less. In fact, now that I am relaxed enough to help them do the things that interest them, they are learning so much more.
I have no idea how this unschooling experiment will work out. I may try it for a few months and decide to tweak things a bit based on how my kids respond. I hope this new journey will be about me learning about myself and about my children. In this coming year I want to observe my children carefully and learn to trust their instincts for learning.
I was first introduced to unschooling when I read the book Free to Learn by Peter Gray. He writes a lot about an unconventional school in the Boston area where children are free all day long to work on projects that they enjoy. Students are free to play and learn at their own pace. It made a lot of sense to me, and moreover, sounded exactly like the type of environment my children would thrive in. I read several more books on the topic of unschooling and became convinced this is something I need to try.
For too long, I have been trying to stuff my children into a mold that doesn't fit them. Instead of looking at who they truly are and working with that, I have been frustratingly trying to make them who I want them to be. I had this mistaken idea of what children are supposed to be like, and was frustrated that my children weren't looking like that idea. This is not the way to have a good relationship with my children!
I realized that I have been putting book work and "skills learning" ahead of real live fun. There were too many days that I would say "No, you can't do that experiment you found in a book, you need to finish your schoolwork. " or "No, we can't go to the beach today, you need to finish your math." That is not how I envisioned my homeschooling experience! I know that some homeschoolers are able to be very flexible; they can keep the bookwork and still do fun projects when the kids show interest. But I can't. I have learned about myself that I am either all or nothing. I'm either married to my schedule or I ditch it completely, there's no middle ground.
I have hope that things can be different. I have been relaxed about school for the past few weeks and I can already see a positive change in our relationship. I am enjoying my kids so much more. And they aren't learning any less. In fact, now that I am relaxed enough to help them do the things that interest them, they are learning so much more.
I have no idea how this unschooling experiment will work out. I may try it for a few months and decide to tweak things a bit based on how my kids respond. I hope this new journey will be about me learning about myself and about my children. In this coming year I want to observe my children carefully and learn to trust their instincts for learning.
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| This should tell me something about how my 6 year old feels about his math workbook! |
Lovely read, thank you!I came here looking to see if "The Unlikely Unschooler" name was taken, and although I'm disappointed that it is, it was nice to read about someone who sounds an awful lot like me.
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